Shadowsexuals - Men who only date short women.

Weekunt Warriors -

Women who "really care" about womens' issues and adamantly talk the talk, but never do anything about it and let "The Man" get them down.

Anglofucks...people obsessed with British TV and constantly talk with bad British accents

Wrong Jeremies - Small town dudes with porn star mustaches who obsessively post DIY screw videos of them and their girlfriends on amateur porn websites.

Lifeplanoholics- women who obsessively live their lives according to Dr. Phil and Oprah.

a "Matthews" - named for Chris Matthews, someone who always has spittle on his/her bottom lip.

J-Loafers-women who have generous asses from abstaining from working out.

West End Helmet heads- wealthy older women who usually sport the same unvarying hairsprayed, bowlshaped haircut. Usually, but not always, honey blonds.

Wal-Wolf. A lean and hungry type of creature that comes out after midnight to roam 24 hour Walmarts. Known to travel in packs and loiter by the tattoo dispenser.

Squito: someone who pretends to be or thinks they're a vampire (often either a bum, a clueless teen, or both)

Prostitot - 12-14 y/o girls who dress WAY too skimpy in public areas (mall, mcd's, etc).

Hobo-Homo. an oxy moron of sorts: homeless gay people who are the sterotypical gay but without all the material possesions (indigenous to Atlanta)

Bumper Stumper - Someone who feels they are changing the world through their politically minded bumperstickers

Asiaxuals--white guys who study Asian languages to pick up Asian girls.

Quing - The biggest bitch you've ever met, only it's a gay man.

Euroyobbo: Anyone obsessed with European football. These are the people who walk around in public sporting European club soccer jerseys, watch European soccer on Sundays (instead of the NFL) and drink only European beer.

Manga Punk-- a young fan of Japanese comics (manga) who spends much of their time in the graphic novel section of Barnes and Noble, reading the comics instead of buying them. Has obsession with Japanese culture and feels anything we can do, the Japanese can do better.

Republicrits- Conservatives who preach family values and religious devotion while simultaneously being addicted to drugs, racking up $8 million in gambling debts, and not actually listening to any one of Jesus' teaching (love thy neighbor, anyone?).

Gaysians - Gay Asians

Linkin' Logger - People who waste all their time on the Web clicking from one mindless link to the next

Unicycle Diciples - young people who ride unicycles in packs. Often sport bowler hats; do lots of crank.

EMTeases: individuals who wear hospital scrubs as leisure wear, even though they have no job which requires them to care for the ill. (i.e. ex-ambulance drivers, hospital housekeeping staff, veterinary clinic phone answerers.) Could also be applied to the legions of nurse's aids who sport the look day or night, every day, while working or not.

Common Names: Greater and Lesser BillyBob
Scientific Name: Homo Derilectus

Geographical Range: Most of the US, especially 'Da Souhf'.

Description: Slender but with a surprisingly large belly, BillyBobs have few teeth and fewer brains. Look for unique markings such as prison tattoos, scarring, gashes, old bullet wounds, hair lip and tumors in the older set.

Scratching of armpits, pulling at the crotch area and low, rumbling belching are a commonly exhibited physical pattern. It is believed these actions transmit evidence of fertility to the female of this species.

The male marks territory by first consuming unreasonable amounts of inexpensive alcohol, which is then dispersed, sloppily by urination, around the perimeter of the desired territory. Territory, or "mah place" may include bars, brick walls, car door handles, closets, sleeping relatives or themselves on occasion.

Mating is brief and completely unsatisfying to the female of the species who will often run to other male BillyBobs in hopes of "gittin' hooked up wif' some-un who'll treat me raht." Later the couples will reassemble in a public forum, such as The Jerry Springer Show, Maury or Cops.

Anarcrust - A self proclaimed anarchist who protests everything mainstream, apparently including bathing and good hygiene. Female Anarcrusts never shave, because they feel it is conforming to the Westernized image of the ideal woman, something they desperately wish to undermine.

Anarcrusts frequent political rallies and unfortunately take everything you say as if it referred to something political. For example: "These next four years of college are going to be murderous," to which they'd respond, "Especially because Hitler was just re-relected for another term."

9-11 Nutters - Former liberals who converted to the Republican party after September 11. 9-11 Nutters are an irrational breed who lose all perspective because of fear.

I read Mr. Lanham's article in the Washington Post this morning and was intrigued by his invitation for the name of the type of woman who hates pretty girls. This is what I came up with: Lois Steamers.
Obviously a play on 'Low Esteem' which may be the kernal of truth to those gals, and 'Steamers' to indicate how pissed they feel at women prettier than themselves.

Goth Topics- Teens from suburbs who dress gothic and buy all their clothing from their local malls Hot Topic. They often claim to listen to underground music but listing to main stream industrail like Marilyn Manson and Slip Knot

skanktastic - think Paris Hilton

a Fug - someone who is fucking ugly. you know, a "fug"

Earnest Hemorrhage
n. A man who is oppressively forthcoming with every thought and feeling. Antonym: Ernest Hemingway, linguistically stingy author.

foxymoron
n. One who is incredibly dumb but incredibly cute, who simultaneously attracts and repels. ("I'm so ashamed. I hooked up with that foxymoron last night.")

GHaG
n. Acronym. Girl-Hating Girl. The one whose only friends are guys.

hobeau
n. A less-than-hygienic boyfriend. ("Better open the window. Here come Gloria and her hobeau.")

showflake
n. Person who chronically misses every appointment (e.g., haircuts, doctor visits, dinners). ("Is Louisa going to show, or is she pulling a showflake again?")

staremaster
n. Gym dandies who constantly check themselves out in the mirror. ("If that staremaster touches his pecs one more time ...")

New Yokel--Clueless idiot who moves to New York City from the South. Escaping incest rape and stupidity, he/she arrives in New York looking to party. Instead he/she finds heroin, skin disease and a cold lonely death. Fuck these yokels, they're from the South, they get what they deserve.

Twikers - In coastal Southern California, twikers are tweakers (crystal meth abusers) who ride bikes around the neighborhood. One of various posibilities has caused thenm to end up without a car: 1) They never had one, 2) They sold it for drug money, 3) They traed it for drugs, 4) The car was impounded. In the summer they can be seen riding on the beach at low tide. This is not an unusual activity (it's the beach version of mountain biking). But twikers take it to the next level by riding IN the water. Since riding in salt water ruins a bike, it is likely that the bike is either borrowed or stolen. Or else the twiker is at the end of a three-day meth binge and thinks he's riding a seal that is lolling its way up the shore. Twikers are rare, solitary creatures. They are skinny and have long stringy hair and tattoos (i.e., they look like tweakers). I would give them an 8+ on the indio rank scale.

E-Hydes - Found in the workplace, people who are agreeable in person but curt and aggressive in E-mail communications.

Logomotives - Usually 20-something women that buy Coach or Louis Vuitton bags with the logos, T-shirts that read "Dolce & Gabbana" or "Prada", or the ubiquitous Burberry scarf in hopes that people will think they are high fashion and spend a lot of money on their clothes. Everything else they're wearing usually comes from lower end retailers like Old Navy. They also tend to favor the cheesier fashion trends like ponchos, Ugg boots, and velour tracksuits. Logomotives are usually found in suburban towns near big cities. Fashion icons are Britney Spears and J Lo

LiveIcon - (Live-eh-con) Teenagers who wield LanceArmstrong's "LiveStrong" bracelets under the guise of helping an organization, when really they're conforming to am MTV generated, popular trend. "Icon" stands for "iconoclast," for irony.

Sprawlers- People who will move out to the middle hell just so they can get a monster tract home.

Eurosuckers: Women who fall for European men with accents. Normally, they would not allow men to massage them, pick them up in a bar - but if you have an accent - its A-Okay, heck, even encouraged!

YupPatriots - Yuppies who plaster stickers of American flags, yellow ribbons, and slogans like "I Support the Troops" on their SUVs so they can demonstrate their loyalty to the American Way as they drop by Starbucks and the dry cleaners.

Dim-ocrats:
Teenagers/Young adults who claim to hate Bush and support Kerry, though they know nothing of politics, simply because it's the "hip" thing to do.

Bookwatcher:
One who watches a movie made after a book or series (i.e. Lord of the Rings) and then claims to have read the book.

Usually proven to be the idiots they really are by those who have actually read the book.

Worderer:
One who butchers and destroys words, rules of grammar, punctuation, and every other important part of the english language, particularly when typing instant messages or in chat rooms.

Example: "omg u r like sooo hott!! ill sho u sum pics! wanna send me sum??"

Arguing with a Worderer is alwasy an entertaining experience, as they are so stupid that they instantly resort to insults and other such stupidities. However, they can't even properly insult another because they can't even spell most of the curse words they wish to use and generally make themselves seem just as stupid as they actually are.

Hindi-500 -- a name we gave to a group of disabled Indian students on campus who always raced around together on their motorized wheelchairs... i'm totally serious.

Scrunchies - Women commonly wear XL tweety bird shirts along with tight pants-that have elastic on the bottom. They usually have hair in a pony tail. And always have a scrunchie around their wrists. This sickens me. Men usually wear Taz shirts with holes in the weirdest places..tie dyed most of the time. They live in the upper penninsula and down south.

Snowbloods--white teenagers who are obsessed with any Asian martial arts. They spend their time watching samurai movies, debating over whether Bruce Lee, Sonny Chiba, Jet Li, or Jackie Chan would come out on top in a fight (always coming to the conclusin that Bruce would be the victor,) and attempting to master kendo. Snowbloods tend to wear ninja headbands, carry throwing stars or nunchakus, or run around with a bokken. Female snowbloods will often wear mandarin dresses as well as do all of the above. They are fairly harmless as they spend far more time talking about how cool Toshiro Mifune is than actually trying to imitate him, but all Snowbloods do have an innate attraction to sharp weapons.

fanatkins: Middle-aged women who are obsessed with low-carb diets. in many cases they often make little progress or break their diets.

Corona Queens: Usually frat girls who on weekends go to meat-market clubs drink heavily and engage in mild lesbian activities.

Spencer Goths: Those who claim to be into the "Gothic Scene" because they wear gaudy jewelry with dragons, swords/blades, or vampire-theme acessories. ( Could also be part of larger group of faux-scenesters in shopping malls, aka: "Mall-Core.")

"Corky": Named after the kid from, "life goes on" when anyone performs and incredible act of stupidity, they, " Pull a Corky."

transvestitute- a transvestite prostitute.

Oompa Loompa — women who use self-tanning lotion too liberally or in the wrong shade resulting in the obvious overly orange-tinged skin tone.

Nadereens-People who voted for Nader and wonder why Bush won the election.

Ambivalents- Women who wear sweaters tied around their shoulders over a sleeveless low cut blouse.

saw where you are looking for names for the women who hate pretty girls--here's a few:
"pretty shitty"
"beautybeasts"
"bitterqueens"
"presenter resenters"
"drop deads"

skamos
n. teens that wear checkerboard wristbands and label themselves "ska" but go home and listen to tori amos.

Obstructionater -
a civic beast who lives in denial of their loss in the recent election by trumpeting unproven or disproven claims of fraud, spamming public officials with diatribes, and posting factoids
on public discussion boards. Because of their passion they are sometimes coveted by ambitious factions who need negative cheerleaders.
Too often they are not true community leaders but an individual with a grudge for a percieved slight.
Their paranoia and ill-will will usually undermine themselves and they willl retreat bitterly from public life.

shit eater - people who eat shit and live to tell about it. Like me.

Poohs - similar to "WBs", individuals who exclusively wear Disney character clothing, particularly overseas.

Solid Gold Platesters - Mormons who dress like fratboy pseudo-hipsters and use aggressively unfunny pop culture references, most notably the "Solid Gold Dancer" meme. This is the 2004 version of Christian ska, people. High-profile Platesters include the creators of "Napoleon Dynamite" and The Killers.

Waduation Dudes - "Wacky" people who show up at high school or college graduations wearing Hawaiian shirts under their robes. Usually do cartwheels or funny hijinks onstage and are greeted with cheers of applause that, yes, they too finally made it.

Manorexic - anorexic men

Repoorblican- Middle aged payless shoes managers and dental clinic secreataries who are proponents of tax cuts for the rich in the false belief that they will one day benefit from them. Can usually be spotted at Walmart, men in tweed jackets, women wearing pearls and white pumps getting out of a rusted white Ford Taurus or Oldsmobile with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker. Their most formative TV programs were Dallas and Knots Landing.

Emotipundits-
People who proudly display their emotional frailty through unsophisticated and thinly veiled humor meant to express their outrage at current political figures and situations. Found wasting their time posting lame comments on political sites with like individuals, having no effect whatsoever on the larger political discourse.

pirates--white suburban boys with bleached hair that wear gold hoop earrings and hang out in conveinence store parking lots on weekends in their tricked out ford escorts. they are known for listening to bad rap anthems (a la master p or anything that involves repeatedly chanting the words get crunk!)on shitty soundsystems that rattle their trunks (or hatchbacks, as it were). Despite their strong desire to be black they fear any one of african descent-except when they are in the safe confines of their "ride". This gives them a feeling of invincibility. it should also be noted that the aforementioned "ride" usually has clever lettering across the windshield such as "2 Low 4 Fat Hoes" or "IMPRE$$ED?"

these boys are indigenous to the southeast but may be found across the US.

Honkas- White kids from the suburbs with Hondas that have more money in rims, ground effects and sport exhausts than what their parents originally paid for the car.

Bumper Boxers - People who feel they must publicly express their views on everything through the use of numerous bumper stickers

A few:

Gasama bin Laden -- Americans who support the troops with a bumper sticker attached to an SUV which gets 2 miles per gallon

Sisters on the JL -- black women who, upon having read JL King's book, automatically assume every black man's on the down low

Manga cum loud -- overweight white guys who wear Hello Kitty shirts meant for seven-year-old Japanese girls; they gave all their children Japanese names, which thankfully is zero

Retrosexual -- man who wears women's jeans because men haven't had tight jeans since the 80s

True Christian -- religious type who believes everything the Bible says even where the Bible didn't say anything and hasn't really read the whole Bible

Vegetaryan -- vegans who are militant about animal rights, but don't bother to mention all the humans who die due to hunger and disease

Pyramidiots -- people who post "MAKE.MONEY.FAST" scams

Slacktivists -- people who spam saying to not buy gas on a certain day and actually think anyone cares about online petitions

texas toaster - a stoned indy rocker who perpetually ends up at an all night diner.

Spring Braid - People who return from Spring Break with braided hair.

ASIACKS - Asian people trying/thinking/acting/talking/walking/believing they're black.

BORITOTIS:A LATIN CRACKHEAD

Durang-girls - Overweight women who drive Dodge Durango SUV's, thinking they're trendy. Tend to have streaky blonde hair highlights and tattoos on their ankles. Can be found parking their Durango directly in front of the "No Parking" sign in front of Blockbuster so they only have to walk 12 feet to drop "Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Any Given Day" into the return chute.

bedfordonian: An overlly sub-rich creature that lives somewhere along the first stop on L train in brooklyn. Overlly hip 9-6 pm type with a little to much money inc\vested in clothes that sara J wore a year ago. To hip to sit on the side walk for fear of some sort of disease that might be un-cool or showing signs of the stress of their dead end 40k a year job. but hell 2600 hung a month for an aprtment right in the middle of sanbrooklyn newyork you one hip mo-fo with a lot of wish we were in the east villagle type stores, and don't forget rejects. You can tell where people get off on the train by the time they touch the turnstyle.

NeoCrits - those who support a war that they would never send their kids to fight in. those who denounce suicide bombers but support clinic bombers. those who vilify clinton as a draft dodger but forget that bush was a draft dodger too. those who think that christians are persecuted yet discriminate against people who think differently then they do. ditto-heads who think Rush is right even though he is proven to be a drug addict and a liar. could go on forever from there.

"It's Really Not That Far"-eigners - This species moved to "East Williamsburg" at some point during the last year, determined to get in on the action. Constantly bitching about the "hipsters" who live in the Bedford area in fits of jealous rage; sometimes known to criticize that area for being "too gentrified," despite supporting only hipster-run businesses in their rapidly-gentrifying part of the neighborhood.

Last spotted meeting a cute guy for brunch at a fashionable Bedford St. restaurant and bragging about how the Montrose stop "really isn't that far from Bedford," triumphantly adding "I'm close enough to walk if I want to."

Best Buys - Usually male, the Best Buy exists solely to acquire DVDs. A Best Buy won't have money to go out with his friends, yet he somehow finds the bread to buy the Japanese re-release of Starship Troopers 2, the widescreen director's cut of course. Unhip Best Buys can usually be seen at most large electronics and media retailers in suburbia, while hip Best Buys can be spotted near their independent video store in Williamsburg. Best Buys are good to keep around to resolve movie trivia issues and to find out when a new movie is getting released on DVD, but other than that they're generally useless.

Best Buy (addendum) I negelected to mention that Best Buys have been known to give impromptu lectures on the superiority of DVDs when compared to other primitive media formats such as lowly VHS. For example, "The DVD represents a quantum leap in home entertainment, especially when you consider the special features ..."

Name: Idiosyncro-elite .Habitat: Bookstores, coffee shops, and pipe tobacco dealers.
Overview: Favorite author immediately becomes Lanham upon reading Food Court Druids...Views him/herself as socially elite due to the ability to define other archetypes using Lanham's terms. The idiosynchro-elite, however, claims to resemble no such archetype.
Common Phrases: Any direct quote or paraphrase from Lanham's books.
You may be an idiosynchro-elite if you:
Make a list of everyone you know and their corresponding archetype.
-Rack your brain to think of new archetypes.
-Ignore the elements of yourself in Lanham's book.
-Make fashion,lingo, habitat, and hobby decisions in order to avoid identification with Lanham's archetypes.

Twisted Sisters: That's what I call women who hate other women. Passive-aggressive to the extreme, Twisted Sisters will act like your best friend, then badmouth you as soon as you leave the room. Their behavior gives all women a bad name.

Francoist: Is a person who has reach a high level of understanding about women.

Open Book: dangerously educated individual who conspicuously carries or reads hip and difficult novels, hoping someone will notice.

Sorostitute: college co-eds who join sororities thinking they will "bond" and "make friends" but really end up whoring themselves out to frat boys for Natty Lite and plastic beads

Podonkagee: Originally from the South or Midwest, or a depressed pocket of a prosperous state, such as upstate New York or Western PA, the Podonkagee's new habitat is an area of the Northeast that has jobs, such as NJ, NYC, or Boston. The Podonkagee spends every bit of vacation time constructing four-day weekends to go back to his or her home area, frequently spending vast sums on air travel and gasoline. The Podonkagee can usually be overheard complaining about the high cost of housing in NJ when compared to Podonk County, when the Podonkagee could easily afford a McTownhouse in Suffolk if she wouldn't spend all her money flying back to Podonk County for every second cousin's kid's birthday party. Similar rants can be triggered when the topic of NJ or NYC drivers is brought up. The Podonkagee never bothers to find new friends or establish a home in the new evirons, as every Podonkagee's intented purpose is to return home at some point. Pointing out that home is a state of mind is a waste of breath when encountering a Podonkagee.

Podonkagees can become very annoying after telling for the 88th time, how for his rent in Manhattan he can own a 5 bedroom house with a 2 car garage and a heliport in Ohio. Simply remind the Podonkagee that his home state is very similar to the state in which he currently resides, only without jobs.

Trustafarians: Trust fund baby twenty-somethings without jobs who throw barbeques and parties with expensive microbrews and are constantly stoned.

The Chin Comb-over - The really fat, jowly men who shave their beards where their jawline used to be in a pathetic attempt to fool the entire world—including themselves—into thinking they have chins. The inversion of the traditional comb-over, e.g. George Lucas.

Nicene Negroes - devout African-American Christians. Usually club-hop on Saturday nights and go to church on Sunday. Usually say "Have a blessed day." and "Praise Jesus" (especially after cussin' you out) even on their voicemail messages. Sends devotional e-mail messages or have Bible quotes in e-mail signatures. Known to have profies on Black Planet.com that usually boast their Christian values while having semi-nude or other suggestive pictures of themselves. If they happen to be showbiz parents, they will constantly thank God and profess their devotion to Him, while encouraging their famous daughter to dress like a ho in public. If they're famous men, they usually divert scandal by putting out an Inspirational song, even though they usually write sexually charged songs comparing women to automobiles. May complain about the current administation and its "uncle toms" such as Condolezza Rice and Colin Powell, yet voted for Bush because they're against gay marriage.

Mysoginy Meat Puppets (also known as Gynoids) Ultra Right Wing women, e.g. Ann Coulter, Dr. Laura

Skindergarden - Roving groups of angsty wannabe skinheads under the age of 18 with fake tattoos and fat suspenders.

Moobies - Man boobies. Mitties - Man...well, you get the point.

Tom Swetties- Men who look like Tom Petty, only they haven't showered since his first album came out.

Skyboxer: An elite corporate connected American who travels, dines, and watches sporting events using a tax deductable expense account.

Coplarries- Police Officers who, when attending police training,insist on being armed with guns and conspicuously placed badges. As if we did'nt know you were a cop.

Apostrofeeb's: people who use apostrophes when writing plural words (or, word's, as an Apostrofeeb would have it). Their inverse, Apostrophobes, never use an apostrophe when they should (maybe because they cant remember, or maybe its just not cool).

Blue Light Specialists: Guys who buy old, banged up cop cars and leave on as much of the insignia and regalia on the exterior as they can (ie: the chipped off department logo, spotlights), and add 150 antennae and a scanner. Then they get a clever plate--such as 10-4--and 'patrol' the local Dunkin Donuts, leaving the 'cruiser' open and running so everyone can hear the scanner at full blast. Sometimes, Blue Light Specialists get police reservists jobs and add their cram-packed duty belts, cannon included, to the back window, just in case someone thought they were an accountant.

homo thug - a ghetto gay person, usually black, and often found in clubs that play techno versions of rap and r&b songs

homothug-- (addendum) they are usually found in groups of three or more, standing RIGHT in front of the door to the club. if male, he is usually decked out in hip-hop attire (ie, marc ecko, akademics, outkast) and not easily ID'd as being gay, except for the queeny fruitloop that he's grinding on at the club.example: karamo from this season of MTV's "the real world" if female, she usually is dressed in the legal minumum of clothing allowable, whether or not she has the body for it, and came to the club with all her girls. they roam like a pack of ugly mary j blige wannabes. both sexes are usually found in little hole in the wall clubs (you know, with one way in, and one way out) that cater to the homothug by playing rap, ragga, and r&b, with bartenders that offer to make drinks like "the incredible hulk" (hennessy and hypnotic) and hand out free drinks when three 6 mafia's "sippin on some sizzurp" comes on. if this environment is not readily available, they will often frequent gay techno bars that play trancy/dancy remixes of rap/r&b (ie, missy elliot's "4 my people" basement jaxx rmx). if this environment has a drag show, they will often be front row at the show, and trying to upstage the drag queen by loudtalking during the entire act, or showing off their dance moves in the aisle when that one song that moves them is played. example--drag queen comes out to perform kelis's "milkshake". suddenly you hear, "girl, that's my song!!" and the audience now chooses between ignoring the homothugs f'ing up the show and punching them. overall, good friends to have, scary to date.

Gayroupies- Girls whose ages range from High School to mid-twenties who hang out with gay men in hopes of looking more accepting. "I always wanted a gay friend"

Fauxhemians- Individuals who list poetry, painting, dancing like nobody is watching, singing in the rain, and art as their hobbies on any sort of online forum or blog in hopes of looking artsy or bohemian. (occasionally overlaps with the Gayroupie.)

Frostitutes: Slightly overweight women, pushed a little past their prime, with stiff, heavily frosted hair, who pick up any cheesebag in their local hotel bar that will buy them a drink. They're usually only fooling themselves that they're looking for companionship--and that the frost job looks like natural highlights. May try to hang on to the cheesebag by bringing a grease-stained Ziggy card to the bar for him the next night.

Jargonaut - A person who habitually peppers his conversation with jargon, not knowing what half of it means.

Slackademics: A person who accumulates graduate degrees as a way to avoid the responsibilities associated with getting a real job. These people almost always become professors.

Travelmorph- One who takes a brief trip to a foreign country and returns faking an accent to that country.

Carribead- White folk who travel to the bahamas, usually on spring break, and return with cornrows accented with colored beads. They are a very common sight on college campuses in late march and early April.

Cockholster, A
promiscuous woman.

Technoweenie: one who indulges in the mindless, synthetic, REPETITIVE "music" known as Techno. These are the people who have bass systems in their cars and only use them to blast the Chemical Bros. and Moby. They can be found in malls around the country playing "Dance Dance Revolution" or "Initial D". They are obsessed with oriental languages and video games.

A.D.M.'s: Automatically Daddy's Money. These are usually blonde girls with big boobs, tiny waists and all of Daddy's credit cards. (Think Paris Hilton, and Girls Gone Wild)
These can also be male.
They have never had to work a day in their lives, but get jobs at one of the evil Triple-A's(American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Abercrombie and Fitch), drive BMW's in college, have cell phones with hip-hop ringtones that either: A.) never stop rining; or B.) never ring because they are never off of them long enough.
They get through college on looks and money (who needs books?), and are usually profeesional students, since graduation usually means self-sufficiency and a separation from daddy's precious money.
Don't you just hate paying your own phone bill?

(Ass)Holier-than-thou: Fundamental extremists (usually Baptist) who can tell you every single reason why you are going to Hell, but cannot think of any for themselves. These jerk-offs are usually very predjudiced against everything other than themselves.

The Camel-toe Generation: These are women who are well into their 40's (or 50's), well over the hill, but refuse to stop dressing like they are younger the their children (who are usually college age or older).
They have the really, REALLY tight jeans which creates a Camel-Toe {hence the name( for those of you unfamiliar with the term, a "Camel Toe is when a woman's jeans are WAY too tight in the crotch, thus causing her labia to protrude in a vulgar and disgustiong manner.)}
Hair is usually frosted, or died to some obsurd color that one would only find at a rave. Red lipstick,blue eyeshadow, in an effort to relive the glory days of the 80's.
It is not uncommon to see them rocking the "Denim Tuxedo" (all denim, everywhere.)
These people usually reside in a trailer park, or welfare-funded housing.

Categorophiles - People who spend far too much time catagorizing other people into sub-groups. Often use hostile and/or embittered descriptors for alien tribal factions.

I feel the urge to invent a new idiotype mself. I just thought of 'Republicrats,' - people who voted against their better instincts because of some inate self-loathing, and a desire to piss Michael Moore off.

MiniGoth
12 to 16 year old middleclass teens who shop primarily at hot topic and pretend to be poor in order to fit in with the current trends. the sort of person who would buy a ductape wallet in stead of make their own.

(Term is in common use in the Seattle area but they can be found all over)

Free-lunchers
poor kids who brag about being lower class and shopping at thrift stores mortal enemy of the MiniGoth, they can be found in parks engaging in foam padded ductape battles, they love ductape and believe it can fix everything but a broken heart, ductape provides what religion or family would in other circumstances.

Subcatagory of the food court druid; The Boffer
early version of the Ren-Fair goer or the history recreationist these teens dress alike to the normal food court druids but differ in that they are commonly found out side in the sun hitting each other with weapons of their own design made from; ductape, foam and PVC pipe. They are disdainful of fashions that would catch on a sword and makeup that smears when sweaty, they can be found at college campuses all over the nation and at specialized meets.

TaTu lesbians
Named for the sold as lesbian Russian pop singers TaTu
Straight women or teenage girls that act like they are affectionate lesbians but wonder why no guy will date them, often acting out for attention they are normally attractive enough to attract a man if all men weren’t convinced they were gay.

PseudoSeals- Ex-military types that worked as clerks or cooks but pass themselves off as SEALS, Snipers, Black Ops, Forced Recon, ect... They can be found at VFW halls sporting military haircuts and beer bellies spouting off about thier exploits in Nam, Korea, of the Gulf War.

SussMano-child who is given birth by Brandon Sussman and Alan Ma

Vidiots: Those members of your family who act like idiots whenever the video camera gets turned on. Can often be seen with two fingers up behind Uncle Whiskeybreath's head.

Educational Video Starlet:
That person in every instructional video who overacts and spends way too much time in make-up, believing this mini-drama about workplace safety, for example, is her ticket to Hollywood.

Weekday Warriors: 40ish pudgy males who still work in malls, in the 'cool' stores, and gel their normal haircuts into spiky do's, so on their days off, they can look normal.

Misanthropologists:
These folk claim to hate all people, but expend inordinate amounts of time naming and categorising them. Not merely restricted to bars, coffeeshops and game chat rooms, these people can be found hunching behind cubicle walls, organizing luncheons, even running for president.

gunt: female will large bulging roll of fat that is below her gut and above her c*nt. common but not restricted to lesbians. Enhanced with tight track pants. Also found on very obese men; sometimes called a gock.

Facepainter - A zealous sports fan who paints his/her face in team colors. Extreme types go for full body paint coverage.

Addled Stevensons

self-righteous and elite West Los Angeles liberals who find Republicans repugnant yet lack the courage to reject savages like Michael Moore or to distance themselves from hysterical and outrageous political rhetoric (ie., "Bush is Hitler"). They can be found at wine-tasting parties and marches in front of the Federal Building.

Addled Stevensons: addendum to above-
Will strongly deny being a Democrat and most likely claim very vociferously to being "middle-of-the road" independent. However, the Addled Stevenson's voting pattern will always reveal something quite different. Very frequently cries he/she will relocate to Canada but doing so is either too arduous or would negate the Addled Stevenson's need to whine about the United States and its current administration.

Rogetellectuals--Those fauxhemians who speak like they've memorized the Roget's Thesaurus to impress true intellegentsia. Actually they are shallow , insecure and have average to lower intelligence. Solution: be your self--relax. I'm a Rogetellectual.

ZENophobe--in general. Most of humanity. Afraid of letting go of its image and individuality for the sake of looking good and maninting a destinction of being "the other"

Bongtopian--These philosophilcal wunderkind want to be remembered by the resins left in their brains being smoked at their wake, MAN.

"Sharptons"
50-something overweight African American males in middle management or supervisory positions. (ref: Al Sharpton) Akin to the office lichen, the Sharpton regales everyone with how they invented the wheel "back in the day," give tours of
the office to visitors and make the dumpster seem like NASA (which they invented too).
Generally a grandstander and a poser, Sharptons are quick to make speeches about office morale and productivity though they contribute to none of it. They are the messengers of the office staff meeting with all gossip and hearsay -none of which will ever come to pass. But still they must reiterate all the recycled bull from straightshooters 2 or 3 to the increasingly deaf ears of subordinates to appear legit. Sharptons may have a
casual attire around
the office, but do not be fooled. Come office party time or visiting dignitaries, they all parade in shiny suits from the "Steve Harvey" collection. Sharptons' habitats include a younger female version of themselves who they're sponging off of or the liquor store. Any topic will get the Sharpton going and it's best not to engage him in any subject unless you have a free few hours at the office to hear the life story of his creations. (topics to avoid: the Afro, Pam Grier, and grandma's turnip greens) But if the topic of yesterday's "Maury Povich" on "who's my baby's daddy?" arises, you are safe. A non multi-tasker if there ever was one, the Sharpton makes the simplest of office memos about his being out of the office on an upcoming vacation, herculean efforts of all morning affairs at the computer and huge typefaces. Most likely heading off to glorious Bermuda, he will return with stories of exotic mixed drinks and other tales from the beach about the blubbery friends just like him who were in attendance.
And beware of the Sharpton's generous offer, his grand favor to you of a special phone number
for the deal of the lifetime (which he also discovered) or you will be saddled with telemarketing phone calls for free
time-share weekends for the rest of your natural life!
Idio scale: 6

On another note: Loved "Food Court Druids!" (you rock!)
And my idio type you
may ask - some subspecies of CROW

herbert - person who listens to only pop music (mainly anything on mtv)

"Grandpappy Do-Nothing"
At first reading of this moniker, one would assume this type of person to be
the retired widower who sits in the mall all day - the only male in his age bracket with a driver's license who drives all the widows in the neighborhood to the beauty parlor and keeps watch over their handbags. But no. This is the precursor for such person. Do not be shocked, but "grandpappy do-nothing," is actually employed!
He is the office's
"colorful old coot."
"Grandpappy do-nothing" is approaching retirement age and getting in his practice on the job.
Though still a babe
dumping in his diaper on V-E Day, grandpappy do-nothing likes to extend his years (and the laws of physics), by telling tales of long ago - everything from the sinking of the Lusitania to the great Gold Rush of 1849. A life long blue collar employee, grandpappy's only redeeming quality is his disgust over
"straightshooters" and "suits." "They're just "little whippersnappers," he is often quoted. "They don't do anything."
Of course, neither does grandpappy. One might think he'd be a "lifer,"
and it's not out of the realm of possibility. But most often, grandpappy has been around. He's too cantakerous to go the long haul anywhere. He beams when he tells the tale to anyone within earshot of how he told the bigwigs to take their job and shove it. Other tales from grandpappy often center around his "indestructiblity" and his third or fourth wife. Grandpappy has often had a couple of organs removed due to malignancy and has met the grim reaper and laughed in his face. This might make the less forceful among us re-evaluate our health priorities.
But grandpappy won't give up his cigarettes even for chemotherapy. Hell, he doesn't have to have a stomach or a gall bladder, so he
can survive with one lung. Most bathroom humor leaves the boy's restroom in high school, but grandpappy just won't let go. His descriptions of his "sexcapades" with his latest wife are not for the weak of constitutions. And they're out for all to hear. Grandpappy missed the seminar on sexual harrassment and most likely never signed the paper in his employee file.
The workday for grandpappy is generally filled with cigarette and coffee breaks and further tales of old. Nothing in today's mechancial world (which he is supposed to be on top of) matches the contraptions of old. And he has seen (and installed) them all - the steam powered television and the kerosene camera. Ask grandpappy to change a lightbulb and you're likely to get a tirade about filling out a work order and putting it in his box (which he never checks). Basically worthless, his prime function in the workplace is to fry a whole turkey or barbeque a half a cow in his backyard for summer company outings. It's in this environment that "grandpappy do-nothing" is actually working and you marvel. But you'll never see this on the job. And when you finally meet his younger wife number 3 or 4, you scratch your head in disbelief. She may appear to be perfectly normal, but still you must wonder, "What in the world does she see in this old buzzard?"
Grandpappy do-nothing is pretty common throughout the south and habitats include homes in the country requiring small tractors to mow and the tool section of Home Depot. Idio scale: 5

fauxho (n)
1. place where Fauxhemians (Faux Bohos) assemble, usually featuring overpriced coffee drinks and decorated with the work of second year art students. Metal detectors are sometimes used to screen out individuals with an insufficient number of piercings.
2. Conservative young woman who dress like hos in order to attract attention

nisexuals - good looking, decent "average" men who never get any because women keep telling them "you're such a nice guy, but I just can't think of you like that"...Or are we so common that it's not an idiotype anymore?
PS. said women are usually attractive-to-very attractive, and end up with real knuckle draggers that traet them like s@#t, and they bitch endlessly about how bad they get treated...

Leading to another classification....harmophobes...women who can't stand not having something to bitch about...

Razzmen(n): Music and Culture snobs who insist they are not American, Act and Dress British and believe themselves to be better than Americans because of this. A sort of variation on hipsers or scenesters.

Fratricyclists: professional and semi-professional cyclists who live 6 to a house, have an extra bedroom each for everyone's 3 different bikes, treat their girlfriends like employees or post-training masseuses, and go to the grocery store or coffee shop in their skin suits, just so everyone will know how important they are.
Indigenous to outdoorsy, health-conscious towns with too much money.

also: Foodservisexuals:
middle-aged, often overweight men with moderately well-paying jobs who fall in love with the girl behind the counter at the coffee shop or deli. The subsequent situation is this: the girl behind the counter has no choice but to be behind the counter; it's her job. She has no choice but to act nice and interested in every customer that walks through the door. The Foodservisexual interprets this as the girl waiting heind the counter for him every day, about to burst with her desire to hear all about his day and his life. It's all harmless at first, but then the Foodservisexual finds more and more ways to get into the counter girl's life, and will jump at every opportunity to spend money on her, until he ends up as one more stalker she has to worry about and change jobs to escape.

Fruit-of-the-Loomers: Men who, while you are seated, will stand far too close to you, their crotches looming with inches of your face as they talk to you. They appear oblivious to their attack on your personal space, but there is a direct correlation between how close they are and the level of uncomfortable personal information about themselves that they are revealing to you. These personal topics usually range from whether or not they believe they sucessfully inseminated the wife just a few short hours before, to how they can't sit due to a constellation of ass boils that have been plaguing them all week.

Lt. Dangles: Cops who alter the sleeves of their uniforms to make them tighter and shorter in order to give the appearance that their biceps are so huge that they cannot be contained by their uniforms.

Shitstabbers-Gay men.

mallrats- teens who hang at the mall or a local shopping center. they will be spotted in small groups of four to eight hangin in the food court chillin' to learn more about them watch the movie mallrats

MORE on "The Sharpton"

"The Sharpton" is all about "the community" and feels
he makes great strides in helping it out. Though primarily offering lip service, the Sharpton's feeble attempts at good deeds usually come back to haunt him with numerous faxes
and letters from organizations which
he had no idea he'd even talked to. The hallmark of the "Sharpton" are his after five minute memory losses.
Forever boasting of his grand deeds and character, the Sharpton is often "in absentia" when the general "suit" manager drafts the
office to participate in Junior Achievement.
But what else would pleases a "suit" more than an organization which prides itself in telling school kids
the difference between nickels and dimes, how to build cities, and sublimially direct them into becoming future assholes! But the Sharpton must stay behind and look after his department. He would love to participate in Junior Achievement, but duty calls.
This is made clear for all to hear with
bands and whistles.

Note: If anyone enjoyed my first "Sharpton" installment, there is a typo: after
"2 or 3" should come the word "time."
Robert, give us more
room for our diatribes!
Just had to get that off my chest because I'm an OCD
CROW!

Hypocri-babies:

The unemployed hate-filled jerk-offs who post nonsensical cutesy stereotypes to this moron's book promo website, much like yourself.

Milwaukee's Fargone "Fargo" Girl:
She talks like she is from the movie Fargo with long drawn out vowels brought to the front of the lips (ie "Oh" becomes "Oooo" - "Ahh" becomes "aaa" as found in 'apple') Teens like this stagger their words apart, choppily, as if they are mentally challenged, but it is generally nervous, gossipy, teen angst.
She is usually of Scandinavian, Polish or German descent because of the blond hair and blue or green eyes, lined with eyeliner that matches her eye color and ice-pink lipstick. Her haircut is a decade or two old already- think long frazzled 80s cuts with pom-pom bangs and perm. In summer she wears neon tie-dyed t-shirts and cut-offs like she thinks she's "so California" in her own mind. If she does wear the latest fashions, it's to copy some pop icon like Britney Spears, whom she talks about all the time.
In summer, she loves volleyball, grill outs with "brats"(German Bratwurst sausage) and MGD beer. In cold weather its all about "Dem Packersss".
Usually loud mouthed, a penchant loud/hoarse laugh or girly giggle (no in between here), and drinks way too much, she gets a lot of attention hanging out at some corner bar with other blue-collar folks.

art school kids who like to use big words and compare everything to freud . hobbies are talking nude photos of them selfs next to hot chicks they claim they have sex with every night

Transfinnigans: People who act as if they are fresh off the boat from Ireland, but are actually from Michigan or somewhere like that. Even though they may have never been to Ireland, or have not a drop of Irish blood in them, if they consider themselves Irish, so do we. This idio-type tends to marry into the culture.

Wapanese- Caucasian teens that act as though Asian culture is superior to everything. THey often read manga, watch anime, and frequent anime conventions. Quite similar to Trekkies. Many also have a strange fascination with Japanese snack foods, such as Pocky. Many are obsessed with androgynous "j-rockers"(Japanese rock groups) as well.

Hasians
-People who hate Asian girls because they think the Asian girls stole their men.

houldums. kids who walk around malls with hooded sweatshirts and wear hats or visors. usually found in groups no smaller than 5. think its cool to make fun of mall security.

name: Mahatma-Homeys
description: Indian men in their late teens and twenties who ape hip-hop culture and parrot urban vernacular while bumping loud rap CDs, sporting do-rags and backwards fitted ball caps, talk about the beef between Fifty Cent and that other fat rapper dude, and bear numerous similarities to the Unitard genus. Their name might be Singh, but deez muthafuckas is all about the BLING.
Mahatma-Homeys usually live double lives--

Pre-Goth/teen Otaku:Preteens who practicly worship magic, the color black, Final Fantasy, anime, manga, and LOTR, and also take Japanese lessons. I should know, I'm one of them!!! PS: these are a subdivision of food court druids.

Indo-Anglocized princess. Indian girls from upperclass families that do everything to assimilate in western culture, have yuppie characteristics combined with family that provides them w/ a bottomless wallet as well as adoration from their parents. Somewhat attractive (this can be acheived through plastic surgery) with a limited personality...

Super-goal oriented:
Bi-lingual, kiss-ass, teases(dress for sex but completely covered), cares about world issues as long as it will look good on their university application, cares as long as it will get them to their goals, passive aggressive w/ other girls, known for gossiping maliciously (especially about other indian girls), VERY cliquey

Usually they can fit in well with the sub-class known as jewish-princesses, or khaki-country clubbers...

Antonym: Me, dark-skinned Indo-Guyanese girl with gender indentity crisis, bipolar, manic, photographer/writer that would rather be a paramedic or coroner than a fucking doctor

"Muh-muhs"

(de-evolution of the
word: mother...mom...mama....muh-muh)
30ish, mostly Southern white women
with an overly parental relationship with their own mother
(i.e. their "muh-muh").
Most people want their ties to their parents at a safe distance. While everyone wants an adult relationship with their mother and father when one is grown, it's often
comforting to know that there is still
a parent/child bond going on no matter how old you are. As long as your folks aren't prying into your personal life or other embarrassments, things can exist in the status quo.
Not so with a "muh-muh." Her relationship with her own mother is an odd mix of co-dependency and absolute control over the woman who gave birth to her.
Muh-muhs delight is to rip the reins of authority right out of her mother's hands as soon as possible. She is more than happy to take charge of the extended family and all around her.
And more often than not a muh-muh's mother is no match for her own daughter.
A muh-muh's mother is either the grandmotherly type who hasn't sense enough to get out of a shower of rain - bakes cookies but essentially a nitwit. Or muh-muh's mother is a 35
year old grandmother who smokes a carton of Winstons a day and has skin like shoe leather from all those teen years tanning with Crisco.
Either's power is easily usurped.
A muh-muh can either be as cheerful as a "happy
monday" or as grim as an "alpha weasel." Often the cheerful types have husbands named Randy, Ronald, or Donald who are into
Nascar. The grim ones have husbands named Eric, John, or
Bruce who would get out of the marriage in a heartbeat were it not for the children. The cheerful muh-muh has no aspirations in the office. She'd quit work in a minute if Randy only had a good job.
As it is now, Randy can not handle a credit card and spends any disposable income on Nascar souveniers
or his "motor-cicle." Cheerful muh-muhs delight in tales of coupon clipping and home freezing and where you can get a polyester pantsuit for $6.95 at some outlet (requiring $25.00 of gasoline to get there). But
the cheerful muh-muh
is basically harmless though prone to endless conversations about her family with her co-workers and/or the totally disinterested. But the grim muh-muh is much more dangerous.
Often thin-lipped with a round pale face and a hairstyle straight from the animated "Peggy Hill," grim muh-muhs
are just that - grim. Constantly
judgemental, they cloak themselves in a righteous indignation on just about everything. Often a religious zealot to boot (a pentacostal no less), they will not allow their children to go trick
or treating because it's "the devil's business."
But what both cheerful and grim have in common is their relationship with their mothers.
They shop with and for their mothers. They take their mothers to doctor's appointments and make sure they take their "meddi-cations." It's always, "I've got to leave early to do something for muh-muh." "Muh-muh's got a doctor's
appointment that she'll forget if I don't take her." "I
got to take these shelled peas over to muh-muh so she can cook them for Sunday."
One would think that
once she had control over everyone, a muh-muh would love it. And she does. But she will never admit it.
For her tale is a long and mournful one about the responsibility and burden her mother is. A muh-muh rules everything with an iron fist, but wants everyone within earshot to believe she is a martyr, a self-sacrificer of biblical proportions.
Idio rank: Cheerful: 3.5
Grim: 7.9

Library Rats: homeless and/or unemployed people who hang out at the library all day, every day. They frequently hog the public internet terminals to do important things like play chess, games, or check email. They also read or pretend to read books, magazines, etc. Most are harmless but occassionally they will go off their meds and start to create problems. Some extra difficult ones have been known to get "banned" from the library. Also, these people arrive at the library about five minutes before it opens and leave about five minutes before it closes.

Flip-floppers: college students who wear flip flops everywhere: church, class, etc. They wear them with shorts, jeans, skirts, and pants. They wear skinny flip flops, big thick flip flops, designer flip flops, you name it.

Yankeegohomers: People from the North or Midwest who move down South, live there for years with no plans to move back up North, and then criticize the South nonstop. They criticize Southern food (they usually hate sweet tea and barbecue), customs (they hate that Southern strangers like to chit-chat in line at the grocery store, bank, etc.), dress, traditions, weather, and accents to name a few. They are convinced the Yankee way is right and that Southern ways are "wrong". We just want to let them know they are free to move back anytime.

Atheist Theologians: People who claim they are atheist or agnostic but proceed to read every book under the sun about religion, including Catholic church history, Catholic doctrine, and obscure religious texts. They never go to church and hate organized religion but yet will go on long diatribes about Christianity (or why it is wrong or fabricated). These people often grow up in an overly rigid religious environment (fundamentalist Protestant) and this is their way of rebelling. They may occassionally attend a Unitarian church. They also attend Atheist meetings. They are often overeducated and quite knowledgable, yet full of themselves. Get them started on the topic of religion and pack a lunch. Also, keep your mouth shut and do not disagree (just smile and nod).

Desperate Susans:

Desperate Susans have a high school education and low self esteem. They make little money but spend like there's no tomorrow. Many will get a relative to bail them out of debt, only to rack up the credit card yet again. Desperate Susans must always have a boyfriend. Because they are desperate, he is always a chain-smoking alcoholic who is about 15-20 years older than Desperate Susan. The boyfriend will either have no job or a very low-paying job. When he leaves the picture, Desperate Susan will immediately get another boyfriend, who will always be another chain-smoking alcoholic.

"HANDLEBARS" - Urban bicyclists with a zealous hatred of combustion engine-based vehicles (unless they need their heavy music gear transported to a gig). Often claim they can't understand why a person won't bike to work in the snow or rain, but tend to be conflicted about their dead-end jobs that don't require much in the way of hygiene or grooming. Often posess generous culinary talents (limited to vegerian asian cuisine) and can occasionally win the bemused groan by way of making terrible puns or by unleashing their encyclopedic knowledge of rock-stars-who-share-their-ethnic-background.

aileen de idiot - females who think that they're all that and resort to underhanded and devious ways to steal significant others. a stealthy lot, usually unhealthily into sports to hook the unsuspecting prey. has big pores. favors backless tops and short skirts.

Urban Ranchers: Folks who do not live in rural surroundings, but keep chickens anyway. They try to keep them indoors, sometimes even in a fish tank, but invariably, the chickens will escape in the following manner: They'll hop out of the fish tank, flap their way across an industrial carpet littered with crack pipes, Cheerios, the hardened guts of a 7-11 burrito, and the like, jump up onto a rented piece of sectional sofa, and make their exit through the broken screen window where they will be found under the 1989 Buick century eating something cleaner than what they found on the carpet.

Suburban Homie- A sheltered caucasion who pretends to be "hip hop" in certain company using classic Snoop dog slang and doing the extra long hand shake with the snap at the end.

Halfricans - Black on the outside, white on the inside. Think of a Chapelle stereotype, or Colin Powel.

Shapeshifters - people who take on the personalities that they happen to be around at the moment. Usually highly intelligent but cannot make commitment to any one idea or position.

Fartisteens- Boring kids from suburbia America who did nothing but cut class and smoked through high school and became "artist" and gets into an art school so they can start shopping at urban outifitters to show off to their suburbia friends. These kids are always blazing around their flip flops and latest trend fashions on Mtv. They can be found at parties thrown by the like-minded and always trying to drink the most to impress - then making fools of themselves by vomiting. They are young adults with teen-angst and middle-school education. always talking about how drunk they get at a certain party. Fartisteens are simply boring kids who tries to hard to impress - but never quite makes it, except to the likes.

Dirtys- small town Food Court Druids, who were raised in a redneck family and strive to be alternative by shopping at Hot Topic. Can often be found listening to Disturbed while reading online comics.

Vulgarianistas (or Vulgariannas) are outgoing, loud and assertive women who spend most of their time drinking and having sex.

These women are typically physically strong and shapely, though they often have a "pouch" in the abdominal area which has been nurtured by the consumption of hard liquor and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Their taste in music includes Gangsta rap, Heavy Metal, and sometimes Country.

Unlike Jock Teases, who tend to have no interest in sports and follow the games to win the affection of men (Lanham, 2004), Vulgarianistas genuinely enjoy what are often perceived as male pleasures including beer bongs, street fighting, and casual sex.

Habitats include bars, house parties, and parking lots.

The Vulgarianista is often heard before being seen due to her loud outbursts of profanity (especially frequent is the use of the word "bitch") and her frequent commands directing others to drink shots.

Visually, she can be identified by the presence of a large tattoo on her lower back and clearly visible thong underwear (Although some Vulgarianistas eschew underwear altogether.

The Vulgarianista is frequently accompanied by her boyfriend (or "friend with benefits") who is a comparatively quiet and physically large man wearing a baseball cap.

Common in Northern New England, Vulgarinistas are present in smaller numbers in other parts of the republic.

Hobosexuals: Decent-looking women who always end up with a boyfriend or husband so far beneath her that it looks like he's begging her for spare change.

Ammolectual: A guy (usually in his mid-teens) who knows far to much about firearms, military vehicles and combat tactics for his own good. This knowledge is obtained by playing video games, violent or war-based movies, and in some cases way to much History channel. Though the information they contain about guns is scary, most have never held a real gun, unless you count a BB Gun.

LatinLickers:Appliesto all male and female foriegn hispancs who immediatley lick the diversity in the U.S. by sporting blond streaks or corn rows,buying name brand clothing (hilfiger, polo, timberlands...etc.) learn broken english and purchse honda civics while hoping to get rich in America. Other Latin Lickers types are foreign hispanics who attend community colleges while sending money back home and sending pictures of themselves posing by theirs civics. These individulas purchase fragrances at places like JCPenny and Hecht's.

Trustafarian

A 20-something white male or female who often sports patchwork courduroys, dreadlocks, and Birkenstocks. However, upon closer inspection an expensive Tag Heuer watch is often noted. A crocheted pouch around the neck on a leather thong often holds "kind bud" while the lanyard attached to the belt buckle holds the keys to the Saab, Pathfinder or Volvo. A New England prep school pedigree, slim to nonexistent resume', and mysterious source of income often linked to Wall Street parents are frequent accoutrements.

Habitat: "The 3 B's" (Boulder, CO; Berkeley, CA; Burlington, VT).

Often, an adolescent or nascent trustafarian will be known to wear long dreads and natty clothes through college before showing up to graduation with a "square" new haircut and a shiny new job in finance, courtesy of pops.

Etymology: Trust, from the trust fund that fuels the herb habit. -afarian, from the wannabe rastaman dreads and the aforementioned herb habit.

zen christians-

liberal christians who accesorize in buddist and hindu paraphinillia despite there own religion

collar poppers.
found in high densities in fairfield county, connecticut. these preppies don't go anywhere unless they are wearing a pastel colored polo shirt with the collar popped up. to be even cooler they sometimes have words written behind their collars so one can only view the inscription if the collar is popped. also these predominantly rich WASPs will wear two or more polos on top of each other and pop all the collars at once for extra points.

Gino/Gina - (this term most often used in the Greater Toronto Area)

They are usually of Italian descent; however this is changing, as many non-Italians choose to identify themselves as ginos/ginas.

They are spoiled mammas boys/girls who get whatever they want and have an unlimited supply of daddy's money.

They are typically between the ages of 13-25, however, if two of them marry, or are involved long-term, they will keep up their false image.

Typical Ginas can be spotted with their "crunched" or stick straight hair. They generally wear thick black eyeliner and pluck their eyebrows into oblivion. They usually wear foundation that does not match their skin tone which cakes, and are fond of concealer-swathed lips or garish "baby pink" lip glosses that congeal in a gooey mess. They are fond of anything pink and sparkly for their face.

Their hair is almost always a natural brown, however the top layer is bleached yellow blonde, and the underneath (near the neck) part of their hair is black, or blood red. They usually have horrible roots to match.

They generally have many piercings because it makes them look “cool”. These are generally found as follows: Multiple in ear (lobe/cartilage), usually nose, tongue or labret, and navel. Also, Ginas tend to get “claws” (excessively long fake nails) and they like to go “tanning”. They never realize that they are going to get cancer; as long as they look “hot” they’re happy.

They are usually wearing tops too tight for their body that show off excess cleavage (not the good kind either, more like the “indecent exposure” kind of cleavage), and very tight jeans. If they are not wearing jeans, they are wearing very short skirts. They have a particular fondness for anything Puma, Adidas, or Parasuco. Diesel is a must-have brand. While many Ginas claim to tout Diesel, they most often cannot afford it/cannot find it. They can also be seen wearing Playboy accessories, however most have no clue what it means. They have a penchant for wearing gigantic hoochie mama hoops. So large, that it can be the size of their head sometimes. (With no brain, of course their hoops have to make up for it!)

Often not very bright, they don’t have a very successful life for them. Their main goals are to marry a rich Italian man, and bring more scum into the earth. Job? What job? Daddy’s money floats them by, until they find a lover to support them.

If you happen to approach one on the street, do not talk to them. Do not make eye contact. They will get jealous, and call their “crew” to go “beat you up”. They cannot harm a fly so do not worry. They are not often seen before 10 pm, as they are worrying about looks, or sleeping. They only emerge to go clubbing at cheesy euro-trash clubs that play “House/Dance/Euro” music.
Ginos are very rarely seen traveling alone; they are always with a group of more than 5 people. Since normal people would try and jump them, they find safety in numbers. Ah, this is the blind leading the blind!

Ginos must have spiky hair, or they let it grow down “soccer style”. They must own a ridiculous number of European football jerseys, preferably Roma, AC Milan, or Juventus. They wear very tight jeans, almost as tight as the women and they like the same brands of clothing. They usually have one earring (IN THE LEFT EAR ALWAYS!!!!) to give them “cred”.

Ginos usually drive ricer cars, and some higher cars end depending on their parent’s income. An urban Gino will drive an Acura, while a suburban Gino will drive a Honda Civic. It is always a Honda Civic. No exceptions. Ever. Usually, they are the really old ones, and they are modded so that they hang so low on the ground that they cannot drive over speed bumps. A “richer” Gino will drive a BMW, or whatever daddy bought them for their 16th or 17th birthday.

They usually have sour attitudes, thinking that they are “all that”. They hate anyone who is not more than ½ Italian (even if they are not Italian themselves), and all other normal sane and rational people.

To gain “cred”, they hang out with the “thugs” and the “gangsters”. They usually just do this for hookups on weed. And for the clubbing types, they use E.

Overall, you must avoid them at all costs. You hate them more than they hate you, but they don’t know it. Knowledge is a weapon. Use it well against their grade 3 vocabulary.

The Career Surfer - someone to whom surfing is not just a hobby, but a way of life. Usually men in their 30's that do dryhall jobs, but have time to surf 3 times a day. When someone is angry or agressive, they descirbe them as "getting all agro". CS's also know how to find the dankest of nugs at the beach.

Psycho Dykos - these women want to have it all. Usually sleep their way to the top of a company and marry the boss. With his excess income, they dabble in coke and start "switch hitting." Then they divorce him and take his business. Any female children are spoiled while those with the misfortune of being born with an XY chromosome are shipped off to military school. Psycho Dykos are all talk and have poor business skills. They cannot admit to this, and usually take it out on their assistants in a coke - fueled frenzy of psychological projection. They like to give off the air that they are wild n crazy, havin lots of fun. But their internal spiritual deadness usually means they find everything boring, save for cocaine and mutual cunnilingus.

Indian Flirters -- attractive women that spread a rumor that they like a guy, and when the guy finds out and takes an interest in the girl.. she abbruptly blows him off. This is done repeatedly with each new flavor of the week. Indian Flirters that eventually give in to a crush are known as Pyscho Bi-Po's.

SaTeens- Teenage kids obsessed with satan, or who are outspoken about their hate for religion. Usually done to annoy parents, or to get some sort of shock out of people.

Teletarists - friends who play the guitar and like to call you up and play over the phone. At first its interesting, and you find it amazing that they can come close to matching just about any song you name. Then you learn that it takes about one afternoon to learn the chords A, D and E , and that by putting these together you can come up with a crude semblance of any song heard. After this you begin to simply humor the teletarist, but then it gets annoying as you're sucked into his ego trip. For instance
You: "Man I hope my car doesnt need a new timing belt, that costs a fortune.."
Teletarist: a,d,e,d
'smoke on the water.."...a,d,e,d
As you can imagine, these 'coverstaions' can get quite annoying.
PS before the teletarist's chords begin getting played, there is usually a warning of sorts, generally something along the lines of "Dude, check this out.."

Ghetto-/Grunge-/ Punk-boppers: types of teenyboppers for the 21st century (usually caucasian) who idolize 50 Cent/Kurt Cobain/Good Charlotte and giggle/throw popcorn during movies

Middle School Mall Whore- girls aged 11-14 who go to the mall religiously in order to spend time with her prepubescent counterparts and get away from mom. Usually she goes to hang out with squeaky voiced boys, yet fantasizes about the teenage boys working in the foodcourt. She characteristically wears sparkly jeans, a sparkly belt, a tight t-shirt (typically pink and/or from abercrombie) which usually has sparkles on it. She also is usually like a total bitch. i mean she has a new squeaky voiced boyfriend like every week.

Ghetto Rednecks- People who, for whatever reason, like both country AND rap music.

starbucks customers-people who hate coffee, i mean anyone could easily buy a bag of nice coffee and brew it at home or at work, but these people insist on paying $4+ for a cup of corporate crap.

GothHick - A white trash goth who likes mainstream metal AND country music. Likely to see them in the darker corners of the county fair, Talking about there DnD characters and there prize hog.

IdioTypists - People who spend all day reading about and posting new Idio Types, in hopes of getting one of their submissions into Robert Lanham's next published collection.

I like the idea of having a personality based on wolves. I would call it wolf man.

girls gone stupid. sorority type girls who flash anytime they are out and about for cheesey beads or if there is a camera around.

Frippies frat boys who listen to excessive ammounts of phish dave matthews band or any other extremely obnoxious jam band

flip floppers. kids who claim to be hard core but wear flip flops

kung fu kids hard core kids who insist upon doing kung fu moves at shows

sad bastards people who sing or listen to very depressing music

french frys people especially art students who are inexpleciablly obesessed with the french and their culture

blogger- commonly black rappers who boast about slappin' bitches or poppin caps in yo ass but always remember to thank God for helping them get where they are today

coffee house revolutionaries- american teens and young adults who believe in che guevara and marx without even knowing what they said or did. They whear che t-shirts and claim being marxists although they dont know shit about any political theory, they claim that they are not conformists nor capitalist pigs, they often smoke pot it's their only way of being alternative.

MallPunks:
Teens who dress in a style with "punk influence" but baught the clothing at retail $39.99 and live in the suburbs listening to bands like Good Charlotte.

Chach (Chachie and Joni from Happy Days) A typical jock type--smooth talker in bars--wears cologne and accessorizes with jewelry. Many times known as the "dumb jock" Good looking, macho, think they're funny. Oft times scene riding the "Chach Rocket"

Chach Rocket---any such crotch rocket motorcycle with wife beater clad Chaches doing 120 in a 25 with a thong clad hooters waitress mounted on the bitch pad.

(Chach referances given by Gabe Beam)

Amusimpsingers-- Aging Gen-Xers that can't overcome the influence the Simpsons have had on their personality, especially their sense of humor. Not easily identified by their clothing, they are better spotted after they make comments like "God, I am SOOOOO sarcastic!" [sic (irony)] and truly living up to it. Amusimpsingers frequent famous Simpson catchphrases to elicit the instant gratification of hearing often-nervous chortles from those around. Usually combined with a generally bland, yet unnerving disposition, a taste for "all kinds of music, except country," and obliviousness of most things important.

Amendment to previous entry: Forget "Amusimpsingers," it's too complicated. Let's go with "Simpzingers" instead, shall we?

-Woman who attend sporting events strictly to show off their cleavage and feast on men with luxury boxes. Oftentimes they form groups and attend golf tournaments in the hopes of landing a goldmine and spreading VD.

Atheleeches-Woman who attend sporting events strictly to show off their cleavage and feast on men with luxury boxes. Oftentimes they form groups and attend golf tournaments in the hopes of landing a goldmine and spreading VD.

BLEECKERS -- non-gender specific/people that enjoy out-dated rock bands or/and "jam" bands.

ebayers- People who spend too many hours on Ebay trying to find "cool things" but they never really buy them

NRACLUer- Libertarian types who are simultaneously members of both the ACLU and the NRA. They are pro-choice, pro-gun, and despise the religious right and hippies equally. Most voted for Bush because they think Kerry is a pussy. Highly educated, they love America but don't trust the government. NRACLUers enjoy fine art and low art - they listen to NPR and watch reality TV. They don't really care about the environment and tend to be a bit racist, but hey, the crime rate statistics don't lie. NRACLUers worship Ayn Rand and the creators of South Park. NRACLUers are chameleons and get along well with both liberals and conservatives. They are highly educated, almost always possessing college or graduate degrees, but have had life experiences outside academia to lead them to adopt a less idealistic world view. They are exclusively white, upper middle class, and male.

Whovians-Similar to Trekkers, Whovians are the fans of Doctor Who, a British sci-fi show about the time-traveller known as the Doctor (played by ten actors in all as of 2005) that ran for twenty-six years on BBC and has now returned after a fifteen-year hiatus. Whovians are generally male (though some are women), and a sizable percentage are gay. They will discuss and quibble over everything over the show, with several sects existing (the anti-JNT crowd(people who hated producer John Nathan-Turner), the anti-RTD crowd(fans who don't like the new series, produced by Russel T Davies), the McCoy bashers (people who didn't like Sylvester McCoy, the star of the show in the late eighties), and other similar little sub-divisions. Many fans are rather anal-retentive when it comes to collecting the various episodes on tape and DVD, the CD stories, the hundreds of books that have been published, as well as short stories, toys, comics, and more. British Whovians tend to differ considerably in tastes from American/Canadian/Australian/New Zealander Whovians, but this is not always the case. Many Whovians don't like the term "Whovian" either, claiming it's crass and too American-sounding. They are a strange but fun bunch, just never mention the crappy aliens in a serious conversation (stick with the Daleks and Cybermen, ignore the Bandrils and the Nimon).

The Animal Cracker Brigade: That army of no-so-homeless kids always seen either in the park or in front of a trendy, local coffee shop. From far away, they always look like they're dressed in olive drab fatigues, ready for a Mad Max adventure, no matter what they're actually wearing, because if they washed their clothes more often, they wouldn't look as homeless. They're always armed with vast quantities of animal crackers and peanut butter-cheese cracker packages that one of their moms got at the bulk food store. As the Animal Cracker Brigade is mainly white in color, the optional dreadlocks are either clip-on or manufactured according to the directions on a web site.

the Afro-Saxon

In Brief: Someone (usually upwardly mobile) of African heritage who is (or acts) culturally British

Gender: male or female

Population size: moderately rare

Habitat: Britain, the Caribbean and other Commonweath countries, & the more posh parts of the US

Hobbies: cricket, afternoon tea, elocution lessons

Favorite books: "How to be a Brit", "Uncle Tom's Cabin"

Please note that the Afro-Saxon is not to be confused with the Afro-Brit who, although British, is down with his or her African roots.

Situational Racists: Typically, adamantly racist. This vehement racism lies dormant when confronted with a large, muscle bound person from a type people they hate. Cowaring in fear, they will kiss the everloving ass of the large black man till he leaves the dirty hillbilly bar they reside in. Then its all "Ah HATE dems nughuhs!!" This fairweather racist usually listens to very angry death metal, drives a large early seventies pickup truck with at least 6 inches of lift and has a truly ironic skater/mohawk cut with hair down to their ass. They reside in rural communities because.. well mainly.. that shit doesnt fly anywhere else.

Mallwalkers - people so awestruck by shopping malls that they are forced to slow down to a snail's pace in order to take it all in. Often creating patches of traffic in the vicinity of whatever the current trendy store is. They tend to stay to the right and roam in counterclockwise patterns.
Occasionally, one finds a rogue mallwalker that wanders with no apparent reason other than blindly obstructing the movements of others.

Mallwalkers tend to be wide white folks who behave like movie extra parodies of tourists, and think that everyone else has all day to spend loitering.

A-geas; Middle-aged women (30's, 40's, 50's) who listen to hip-hop/ mainstream music (i.e. 102.7 KiisFm) thinking they are hip.

On and Off Veg(a.k.a. HasVeg)- a person who is vegetarian/vegan today but will eat meat tomorrow.

Disposable Family- Families who only use disposable plates, utensils and/or glasses because they are too lazy to clean.

LowLife- A person who thinks that his/her life is useless and spends their time surfing the web, sitting at the couch, or watching Six Feet Under.

Constarer- Someone who stares constantly at someone but don't find them interesting.

Footbros- White, upperclass male's in their 20's. Typically travel in groups of three or more. Form of dress is usally khaki cargo shorts, backwards hat, rugby or polo shirt, and sandals. Normally, travels with a football, drinks Bud Light, and smokes Marlboro Lights. Also will get pissed if you look at their truck or girlfriends.

Mansvestite: That breed of transvestite who appears as if she has put forth the least amount of effort in convincing the world she is a lady, but who in fact puts forth an extraordinary effort in convincing the world that she has put no effort into her appearance as a lady. Her heroes include every member of Monty Python, both members of Little Britain, and all the old ladies who meet regularly in the puzzle room of the local nursing home.

Most mansvestites weigh in at over 350 pounds and have worn their backs out in their old sanitation jobs. Therefore, they require the aid of a Rascal scooter to get around. The dress code heavily encourages the wearing of floral housecoats, but the occasional thin, brightly-colored polyester mini skirt with matching halter top is acceptable for social occasions where one might want to show off a hairy belly or two. Extensive research has shown that a three-day growth of facial hair is optimal for holding vast amounts of face powder and for drawing the eye toward the badly drawn, orangy lips. The wig, naturally, is the key element of any outfit worn by a mansvestite. Preferably purchased from the Dangerous Liaisons gift shoppe, the mansvestite’s wig is then left to the cats for an approximate thirteen-week gestation period, after which it is ready to be placed upon the head with no ceremony at all. Absolutely no care is given to tuck in any natural hair the mansvestite might have peeking out under the wig.

Should not be confused with the Translibrarian, who likes to dress like a lady who takes off her glasses in porno films.

Ghetto Fab Asian Bratz: male or female, usually young (under 21) Location:Originated from Southern california but quickly spreading around.
Spoiled, suburban bred asian kids who talk ghetto and love to hang out at Borders hogging all the seats while reading Manga,going to Starbucks in group holding up the line and taking all the tables and last they rip through the mall talking out loud and head for the photo shop to take pictures of how great its to have friends and squeez their whole group of 15 into a wallet size photo thinking it so cool and post it on their blogs or Myspace. they don't know the true value of a dollar becase mommy or daddy will buy their "ipods", PSPs and their ambiecromie and Fich" for them.
The Male is typically wears baggy shorts that reach their mid calves , oversized T-shirt with stupid sayings or somewhat suggestive themes and their hair is always spiked to emulate their Manga heros, Also the male is so obsess with multiplayer gaming the he will shell out thousands of dollars from his parent to buy the best P.C equipment. they love to use the word "pimp" a lot and think that "nigga" is ok say in public thinking its going to show that they have Street Cred.they try skate boarding only because their white friends are doing it but they give up. Females love to be in groups and take picture of themselve way to often keeping it in there mini Hello Kitty album to tote around in their purse so they can impress their cousins in family reuinons. The love to wear anything "Ambercromie and fich" being ignorant of the companies underlinig racism toward minorities and also love to shop at hot topic thinking its edgy to be like Avril. They like to listen to pop or anything commercial that's easy for there undevelop ears and brain.they ruined friendster and myspace with their pathetic attemp with coolness with their cheeseball group pics, bragging that they have 800 friend in their network oscillating fonts. A side note A group of chinese girl who exculsively wear AF stuff are known as "AMBERCOMMIES"

Rivised:
Ghetto Fab Asian Bratz: male or female, usually young (under 18)

Location:Originated from Southern California but quickly spreading around.

Mating Habits :the males mating call is some cheesey slow jam music the bass beats swoons the girl into early motherhood and is shipped of to their parent's home country.

Spoiled, suburban bred Asian kids who talk ghetto and love to hang out at Borders hogging all the seats while reading Manga for hours,going to Starbucks in group holding up the line and taking all the tables and last they rip through the mall talking out loud and head for the photo shop to take pictures of how great its to have friends and squeez their whole group of 15 into a wallet size photo, thinking it so cool and post it on their blogs or Myspace . they always have a Celluar phone(with a dumb Snopp Dog ringtone) pasted to either their head or hand(annoying text messaging). they don't know the true value of a dollar becase mommy or daddy will buy their "ipods", PSPs and their "Ambiecromie and Fich" for them.

The GFAB male typically wears a pair baggy shorts that reach their mid calves , oversized T-shirts with stupid sayings or somewhat suggestive themes or anything from Pac Sun and their hair is always spiked to emulate their Manga heroes or is covered by a backwards trucker hat. hobbies of a GFAB male is multiplayer gaming while masturbating to hentai or flirting with GFAB female on the telephone or instant messaging if the parental units are strict about dating, he will shell out thousands of dollars from his parent to buy the best equipment for his PC or Laptop. they love to use the word "pimp" a lot and think that "nigga" is ok say in public thinking its going to show that they have Street Cred.they try skate boarding only because their white friends are doing it but they give up when the parent units find out about this dangerous "sport".

GFAB females love to be in groups and hang out at the mall to grab the attention of pedophile older white men , they also take pictures of themselves way to often and keeping it in their Hello Kitty mini albums and tote